The Lowbrowser

O, the milk. Flowing, flowing, like pearl waterfalls, down into the gulchy asscrack of the vid girl. And O, the churning of the milk into ropy cream 'tween the rumbling, seismic cheeks. The awful beat, the headache-inducing voice, the stomach-weakening gloss of shirtless Gucci Mane. Is this man mentally retarded? Would that make this video easier to deal with?



Jake has tagged me in a Facebook note, one of many. The link is qualified with the line, "This is possibly the worst rap song I've ever heard." Jake has seen enough trashy videos and listened to enough Top 40 to lobotomize a dozen teenage girls. We both have. I am amazed that "Hella Ones" fulfills his assessment.

Ever since we discovered the wonders of on-demand music videos on digital cable, like a couple of ten-year-olds mesmerized in shocked reverence of their dads' newly uncovered stash of Playboys, our standards of quality have never been the same. Case in point, I just deleted a BB King song from my iTunes playlist. I don't remember what it was called. It was sandwiched between "Cyclone" by Baby Bash and "Leather So Chopped and Screwed" by Birdman and Lil' Wayne. It will not be missed.

So began an ongoing dialogue from afar - Jake at UCLA, myself at The Evergreen State College in Rainycoldplace, Washington - conducted not with words but with YouTube, mp3's. It started as slumming. At first, we watched "I'm A Flirt" because it was ridiculous. Then we started to like it because we couldn't help it. Now we love it, LOVE IT, because IT IS AWESOME. Soon, you will agree. Because we have decided that the world would benefit from the dialogue; we intend to fill the deficit of media-sated twentysomethings sharing their opinions about everything on the internet.

So please enjoy the fruits of our labor. We glean so that you don't have to.

Make it rain.

-Matt